


Lost Boy

by ATongueTiedWriter



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Post Season 2 Mid-Season Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 05:56:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11799831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATongueTiedWriter/pseuds/ATongueTiedWriter
Summary: Once upon a time, Chris was close with his father. Closer than Chris and his mother, anyway. They did everything together, could talk about anything, have adventures that left Chris’ head spinning that would be their secret. Chris could always count on his dad to have his back, to keep his secrets, to be there when Chris needed him.Once upon a time, Chris had a father. And then came Madison.





	Lost Boy

Once upon a time, Chris was close with his father. Closer than Chris and his mother, anyway. They did everything together, could talk about anything, have adventures that left Chris’ head spinning that would be their secret. Chris could always count on his dad to have his back, to keep his secrets, to be there when Chris needed him.

Once upon a time, Chris had a father. And then came Madison. 

Travis says he doesn’t understand it, doesn’t understand how their relationship had fallen so far but Chris knows different. Knows that if Travis took the time to ‘look inside’ and ‘search himself,' to do everything that the therapist Travis stuck him with would tell Chris to do, that Travis would know why.

Madison broke Chris’ family. Madison is the reason Travis left Chris’ mother, left his family, abandoning them for a newer and frankly more fucked up model.

Madison is the reason Chris’ mother had to drop out of school to take up another job to support their family of two. 

Madison is the reason Chris didn’t see his mother for almost a year, catching glimpses of her after school when she would trade one uniform for another, only stopping long enough to smooth his hair and kiss his forehead and tell him how much she loved him.

Madison is the reason Chris fought to have a job at fifteen so he could take some of that weight off of his mother’s shoulders. 

If he took the time to search himself, Chris knows Travis would see that Madison is the reason their relationship is dead.

It was hard for a while, but eventually, things got better, and his mom became his rock, his safety. They’re close in the way a single parent and only child could be. Close in the way that comes when they fight together for a place in their world, a seat at the table; everyone else be damned.

Madison and Travis, be damned. 

His mother was his rock until she wasn’t. Until she kissed his head and told him she loved him, and walked to a beach, she would never come back from. 

Until Travis, the most anti-gun man Chris has known in his life, pulled the trigger that ended her life and Chris’ stability.

He knew he was slipping. He’d been slipping since he got off a bus and joined a protest. He’d been slipping since they hid in a barber shop, since they drove to that woman’s house, since he got an elbow to the nose for trying to help a girl who didn’t want it and saw the dead walking for the first time.

Slipping since his mother stood at the back of a truck, mouthing ‘I love you,' before climbing in and away from him.

Chris knew he was slipping. But the harder he tried to hold onto safety, to sanity, to REALITY the worse it got. 

Because what do you do when the reality you know slips into something you can barely recognize?

What do you do when the face you see in the mirror is a stranger?

The ranch house was the last straw. Going to apologize and finding the knife by the bedside when the threat of Walkers was finally gone. Holding it in his hands and wondering who it was for and finding that answer in the way Madison screamed at him and Alicia looked at him in fear.

The people Chris may not have liked, but a month at sea had taught him to see as family. 

The ranch house was the last straw, so he did the only thing he could do. The only thing he could control. And he left.

He walks  away from his family because he is a danger to them and he can’t be. He refuses to be responsible for any more deaths. Refuses to be  reason they don’t feel safe in a world that already wants to tear them apart. 

so he's walking away, and the quiet is the first thing he notices

It's something that he hasn't had in over a month. Being on a boat with eight other people doesn't really allow for any kind of privacy, and with someone moving around there's almost always some sort of noise. 

Out here in the desert though, walking by himself, quiet is all there is.

After he's done running, after his breath comes easier and he's done panting, he listens to the wind. The scruff of his shoes on the loose dirt of the desert, and he finally has time just to think. 

Think about everything that’s happened. Think about what his life was, what it could have been.

His chest feeling like it's caving in with every breath, his shoes feeling like they're filling with lead with every step he takes until he's just standing still and it hits him that he’s alone.

Completely, totally, absolutely alone.

Yes, it was his choice. Yes, he would make it again if it meant that his family was safe, that they felt safe.

But standing in that desert, looking up at the clearest view of the milky way he's ever seen, Chris misses his mom and he doesn’t want to BE alone.

He wants her to hug him, to stroke his har and tell him it’s going to be okay. He wants her to do the things he took for granted for so long, to do the things that he would brush off and roll his eyes at because it was EMBARRASSING, and he would have time to ‘appreciate it later’. He wants to hug her and hold her and thank her for everything she ever did for him.

He would trade anything for just another minute.

H e starts walking again when the tears start to fall, angrily wiping them away. He doesn't get to feel weak, he doesn't get to cry. He needs to keep moving, he needs to find a place for shelter for the night. It's not going to do him any good to die now just because he decided to get emotional

He walks until he comes across another little ranch house. It’s been hours, and it's the height of the night and he needs to be careful. He has a knife and he creeps along the perimeter of the area slowly, looking for any surprises before going to the front door. 

He hits the frame a few times, waiting for any Walkers dwelling inside to come stumbling out. A few moments pass and nothing happens. He bangs again, harder this time while he shouts, and waits again. After a few more minutes of silence pass, he goes in.

He's lucky. There's nothing inside, the entire property is deserted. He goes through each room carefully, observing the hastily emptied drawers and cabinets and disturbed dust on mantels that probably housed family pictures, see's the hastily emptied drawers and cabinets and guesses that this family had time to evacuate.

This family was one of the lucky ones. They had time to pack, to evacuate. 

To survive.

(Chris doesn’t think about the family pictures they left behind, the pictures and memories that he will never see again.)

He finds a guitar in one of the first rooms. He plugs out a few notes, happy to see it’s still in relatively good condition. He takes it with him as he explores the rest of the house, lost in the memories of his mothers hands guiding his to make a proper note. 

Travis and Chris had had their adventures, but his mother and him had their music. And he doesn't need to make that many adjustments. He takes the guitar with him as he explores the rest of the house.

Chris finds some food in the kitchen, a few cans of potted meat and some stale crackers. He takes some of that with him to as he goes back outside, finding a low wall and deciding to climb onto the roof. 

He watches the stars as he eats and thinks about doing this with his mom after Travis left. How she would bring a blanket and thermos of hot chocolate up onto the roof on clear nights and tell him stories about the stars, about the gods they were said to describe. He thinks about how she believed in heaven and hell and for a minute he wonders if she’s up there right now looking down on him. 

But he shakes that off and lets it go. That was never his belief

He fixes the did the tuning on the guitar, plucking out some random melodies once he’s satisfied until he stumbles on one that he knows. He sings softly and thinks about the mother he took for granted, the life he will never get back, and allows himself to really feel for the first time since this all began

_ "Well you only need the light when it's burning low _ _   
_ _ Only miss the sun when it starts to snow _ _   
_ __ Only know you love her when you let her go"

_ "Only know you've been high when you're feeling low _ _   
_ _ Only hate the road when you're missing home _ _   
_ _ Only know you love her when you let her go _ _   
_ __ And you let her go"

 

**Author's Note:**

> One shot I found that I forgot to post last year. 
> 
> Tumblr: ATongueTiedWriter


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